Sometimes in life there are things we know we have to do, but the thought of doing it is pretty scary. I recently made a difficult decision to leave Orlando and Daniel (my husband) behind so that I could pursue my graduate degree in occupational therapy in Chicago. I knew that occupational therapy is what I should be doing with my life and my husband and I had already discussed what would happen if I found myself accepted into a program in a different city than where he will be working. So, when I got my acceptance letter, I knew what the right answer was, but the thought of leaving behind the familiar, my friends, and (most difficult) my husband, was not easy. I was nervous and hesitant, but after praying about it, I heard God's gentle urge to trust Him.
Going without Daniel wasn't my only concern (though that was the biggest). Although I have known for a while now that I should go into occupational therapy, I suddenly began to doubt myself. I am into the arts. I'm a musician, writer, and artist. I don't thrive in physics and science. I know nothing about the medical world, what am I doing pursuing this unknown territory? And to make things even scarier, I have to take a cadaver lab? I began to freak out a little bit, I didn't think I could handle touching a cadaver. Yet, I had already known all this, it wasn't like any of this was a surprise to me. Again, I prayed and God simply asked me to trust Him.
Many people say that when they hear God's call, they feel a calm wash over them. For me, there was no calm feeling. In fact, I was so full of nerves that my stomach began to hurt. I felt like I was in a boat and Jesus was calling me to step out onto the water. In my heart, I knew that no harm would befall me and that I would not drown, but it definitely didn't make that first step out of the boat any easier. Then again, faith isn't supposed to be easy, its more like our faith and trust in God overrides our fears, it doesn't simply dispel them. So, what did I do? I put on my big girl pants, prayed for courage, packed up my car, and made the two day drive up to Chicago.
Now that I've been in Chicago for a week and have gone to my cadaver lab, things are starting to feel better. It's still not easy, getting used to not seeing my husband every day and the rigorous studying (seriously, what kind of person requires you to have all the bones and bone structures of the skeleton memorized within seven days?!) will take some time. However, now that I'm out on the water, I am realizing that even with the choppy waters beneath my feet, its not so bad when I have Jesus' hand holding me up. Besides, success is just that much sweeter when it is a challenge to achieve it. :)